Your essay had a lot of great word choices and a great understanding of how art and science relate to each other. I would however suggest you leave out the paragraph that is small on the second page, and instead put in a naysayer paragraph or merge it with another paragraph. That little paragraph does not add much to the essay and could be cut out and replaced by a stronger nay say paragraph. For local edits I would look out for the over use of run on sentences and instead sub them out for more effective active sentences. I also would look for repetition that can cloud your point and replace that with maybe some background or even another quote. Over all you have a great frame for your essay and with some minor changes you will have a great essay that is not only effective, but very interesting to read.