Throughout English 110 putting evidence into papers became a way to showcase your opinions with other professionals backing you up. In my essay I focused a lot on Yo-Yo Ma’s perspective because in his writing “Necessary Edges” he focuses on how STEM should be changed to STEAM to include the arts in education.  In my first essay I didn’t use enough evidence, nor did I make it cohesive when I transitioned between my words and the quotes I pulled from text. The example is provided here:

Once the stigma of art is removed, a new way to look at art emerges. Art is beneficial and aids in keeping students in schools. Going to an all science based high school, I wasn’t offered any art classes, and many students craved having an option to draw or paint. Yo-Yo Ma, being a firm believer in STEAM states that, “STEAM will help us get there by resolving the education problem. Kids will then go to school because it is a passion and a privilege, not a requirement” (3). The arts give students a love for education, a drive to want to go to school to enhance themselves. This is even shown in plenty of schools that integrated more art programs at their schools. In schools in Missouri, studies were done on students taking art classes and their achievement levels, “For students across racial/ethnic groups, the more music and arts classes taken, the higher the student achievement on all measures” (Missouri Arts Council 13). Art has been linked to increased test scores, improve attendance and to help students understand material. Art programs are important to students success. This success leads to students passionate about their future careers and going to college to better their knowledge.

Being able to integrate quotes within a paragraph seamlessly is very challenging but also when done correctly adds great value to an essay. As shown above by my final draft you can see a more seamless transition and it adds to my point while not taking away from my voice.